I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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