I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
