...so i touched it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
