please come you make the beer taste better
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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