i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
