I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
