I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
