I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
