a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
