It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
