Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
