Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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