The maid of honor just puked.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
