You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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