i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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