its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
