her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
