so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
