Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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