I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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