Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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