I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
