I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
