All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
