there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
