my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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