I think my vagina is haunted
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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