pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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