Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So squirting runs in the family.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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