Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
