Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
