She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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