So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
