My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
