I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
