Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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