meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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