Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
