billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
