I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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