Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
