He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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