this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
