I need help removing her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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