no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize