can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
