John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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