Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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