I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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