I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
