I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
